Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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