Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
