Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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