We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
