My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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