mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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