'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
