Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
