I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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