His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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