yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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