My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
