Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
