In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
