Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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