please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
