I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
