how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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