my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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