If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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