Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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