The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
