i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
