It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
