i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
