I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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