Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
