Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
