Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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