He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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