I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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