my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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