i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
