apparently the secret to your success is patron
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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