we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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