what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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