You just made me feel so damn special
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
