Kiss
Puke
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
