so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
