Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
