I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
