He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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