At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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