Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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