I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
