You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
