Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
