apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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