did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
