my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
