I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
ok first of all what the fuck
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
