The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
