RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
